"Being gay-girls without set roles was the one difference we allowed ourselves to see and to bind us to each other. We were not of that other world, and we wanted to believe that, by definition, we were therefore free of that other world's problems of capitalism, greed, racism, classism, etc. This was not so. But we continued to visit each other and eat together, and, in general, share our lives and resources, as if it were" (205).
In a lot of this last section, Lorde talks often about her experiences as a lesbian woman. I noticed that she often talks about them in terms of a community, that they are all a part of their own world, such as she says in this quote; this is also seen as the lesbians meet up in the gay bars around the city. This then made me think of the LGBT community today, and how they have a sense of their own sphere (or at least it appears that way; I don't know exactly how it feels because I'm straight). Overall, I felt that this identity of Lorde's had a stronger sense of it's own independent world than the other aspects of her, such as her gender or race.
“In the gay bars, I longed for other Black women without the need ever taking shape on my lips. For four hundred years in this country, Black women have been taught to view each other with with deep suspicion. It was no different in the gay world. Most black lesbians were closeted, correctly recognizing the Black community’s lack of interest in our position, as well as the many more immediate threats to our survival as Black people in a racists society. It was hard enough to be Black, to be Black and female, to be Black, female, and gay. To be Black, female, gay, and out of the closet in a white environment… was considered by many Black lesbians to be simply suicidal.” (224) For Lorde to have been out in this time was extremely courageous on several different levels. As she says, being a black woman in a racist patriarchal society is difficult enough, but to be gay and out of the closet was rare. Even now, depictions of lesbianism in media and in literature are typically white—I can only think of two, maybe three lesbian characters off of the top of my head that are shown on television (and, miraculously, have yet to be killed off). The group’s refusal to see difference, Muriel’s comment of “We’re all niggers,” all bring the glaring differences between Lorde and the others to light. However, she also says, “We were too afraid those differences might in fact be irreconcilable, for we had never been taught any tools for dealing with them. Our individuality was very precious to each one of us, but so was the group, and the other outsiders whom we had found to share some more social aspects of our lonlinesses” (205). recognizes the fact In a society that is unwelcoming and wholly prepared to shun them, and that they’re safer with one another than they are alone.
“What we were trying to build was dangerous, and could have enormous consequences for Muriel and me. But our love was strong enough to be tested, strong enough to provide a base for loving and extended relationships. I always used to say that I believed in sleeping with my friends. Well, here was a chance to put theory into practice. Besides, every time Lynn laughed her slightly hysterical laugh or wrinkled her nose, my knees turned to pudding. I could smell her like wilted fall flowers throughout the house as soon as I opened the door of the apartment from work” (Lorde, 212).
This final assigned section of Zami focuses largely on Audre’s exploration of sexuality and relationships. This passage elaborates on Audre and Muriel’s mutual decision to explore a sexually open relationship, in which both of them have intimate relations with the same woman, Lynn. I think this demonstrates what we were talking about in class, how Lorde is giving a voice to the silences, the uncomfortable topics we often avoid. Sexually open relationships is one of these, especially one like this, in which all three members involved share a roof together. Here, I think these three women are attempting to establish not only a sexual relationship, but a sort of community in which everything can be shared between all three of them. I think they are also looking to push the boundaries of what a relationship can be. Above all else, it is an experiment. Audre is experiencing feelings of attraction towards Lynn while she is in a committed relationship with Muriel, and in juggling these she is working to balance the difference between love and desire. She eventually challenges the notion that love is inherently idealized in nature, that it fixes all problems. Definitions of love and nuances of desire are issues that Lorde deeply explores in this last section of her story, and during these years of her life.
“Being women together was not enough. We were different. Being gay-girls together was not enough. We were different. Being Black together was not enough. We were different. Being Black women together was not enough. We were different. Being Black dykes together was not enough. We were different.” (226)
I think that this passage in the book plays a huge part in realizing that this is not the story of a single woman instead she is trying to make a point that all women are different and have different stories to tell. This passage explains that just because people are considered to be in group, whether it be by race, gender, or sexual preference, they are still individuals. No two people are the same and Lorde is trying to make the point that everyone has their own needs and wants and just because they may be in similar groups that doesn’t mean that they are the same person. Although they may be together they still stand alone in their own lives. She says that being together isn’t enough because they are all different from one another and I feel that her message of repeating the same phrase over is that she wants to bring attention to the fact that everyone is an individual and can’t be defined by a group that they may be a part of.
" When two women construct a relationship they enter together, the anticipated satisfactions are mutual if not similar. Sometimes that relationship becomes unsatisfactory, or ceases to fulfill those separate needs. When that happens, unless there is a mutual agreement to simultaneously dissolve the relationship, there must always be one person who decides to make the first move. The woman who moves first is not necessarily the most injured nor the most at fault." (238)
The majority of this last section of the book focuses on not only Audre's exploration of her own sexuality, but on her exploration of relationships with women. Audre's relationship with Muriel seems to have run its course, and by this point, Muriel seems to have started the process of moving out. Much like Felicity also posted about, the fact that Muriel and Audre are together does not mean they are defined solely by their relationships; both Muriel and Audre still lead their own lives and make their own choices, do whatever they find enjoyable. I think this is a great example from Lorde on how the dynamics of a healthy relationship benefit both parties. There were previous instances of not so great relationships that still seemed beneficial, but this mature relationship is showing just how much Lorde has matured, physically, mentally and emotionally, throughout the course of the novel.
"Being women together was not enough. We were different. Being gay-girls together was not enough. We were different. Being black together was not enough. We were different. Being Black women together was not enough. We were different. Being Black dykes together was not enough. We were different.
Each of us had our own needs and pursuits, and many different alliances. Self-preservation warned some of us that we could not afford to settle for one easy definition, one narrow individuation of self. At the Bag, at Hunter College, uptown in Harlem, at the library, there was a piece of the real me bound in each place, and growing." (226)
Here, Lorde talks about how groups of people with one similar characteristic are often defined by that one characteristic, which is limiting and constricting. By being categorized as "woman," "black" or "gay," it limits one's ability to be seen outside of that stereotype in society and labels that person as part of a group, rather than as an individual. Lorde is trying to emphasize that all the people in those groups are not simply part of that group; their identities extend far beyond those labels. Yes, those may be characteristics of certain people, and they are certainly important to one's identity, but those people have identities and characteristics that make them individuals, and not just members of a group. Lorde wants her readers to know that she isn't just a black gay woman, but there are many other things that make her who she is.
“Muriel and I loved tenderly and long and well, but there was no one around to suggest that perhaps our intensity was not always to wisely focused. Each one of us had been starved for love so long that we wanted to believe that love, once found, was all-powerful. We wanted to believe that it could give word to my inchoate pain and rages; that it could enable Muriel to face the world and get a job; that it could free our writings, cure racism, end homophobia and adolescent acne. We were like starving women who came to believe that food will cure all present pains, as well as heal all the deficiency sores of long standing” (209 -210). From Lorde’s Zami.
This is just so beautiful. There is definitely a deep love that Lorde feels for Muriel at this point, but their relationship seems to be fading away. And Lorde acknowledges that because she as a lesbian woman, who was “starved” for loved, that she thought her relationship with Muriel would be the answer to everything. I think that it is like Dianna said about how Lorde is trying to challenge the notion "that love is inherently idealized in nature and that it fixes everything". But it doesn’t always fix everything and I think that Lorde is staring realize that as she grows up and as she goes through this relationship with Muriel.
"For four hundred years in this country, Black women have been taught to view each other with deep suspicion. It was no different in the gay world. ... [The Black women at the Bag] were tough in a way I felt I could never be. Even if they were not, their self-protective instincts warned them to appear that way. By white america's racist distortion of beaauty, Black women playing 'femme' had very little chance in the Bag. There was constant competition among butches to have the most 'gorgeous femme' on their arm. And 'gorgeous' was defined by a white male world's standards" (Lorde 224).
"The threat of difference has been no less blinding to people of Colour. Those of us who are Black must see that the reality of our lives and our struggle does not make us immune to the errors of ignorance and misnaming difference. Within Black communities where racism is a living reality, differences among us often seem dangerous and suspect. ... Because of the continuous battle against racial erasure that Black women and Black men share, some Black women still refuse to recognize that we are also oppressed as women, and that sexual hostility against Black women is practiced not only by the white racist society, but implemented within our Black communities as well. ... Exacerbated by racism and the pressures of powerlessness, violence against Black women and children often becomes a standard within our communities, one by which manliness can be measured" ('Sister Outsiders' 119-120).
While throughout her book Lorde finds solace in communities who share a similar identity to herself, she makes it clear in her essay 'Sister Outsiders' that there is still a weird form of competition (and racism?) among her peers. As 'others,' Lorde and her companions attempt to resist their differences from society in an attempt to assimilate easier by mirroring a white heterosexual relationship. However, in replicating what the established societal system wants to see (relationships being/resembling white heterosexual relationships), like Lorde notes, the violence and subjection of women, especially Black women, will continue. Worse yet, the harassment and objectification will be sustained from within the social and racial classes of the victims.
“The important message seemed to be that you had to have a place. Whether or not it did justice to whatever you felt you were about, there had to be some place to refuel and check your flaps. In times of need and great instability, the place sometimes became more a definition than the substance of why you needed it to begin with. Sometimes the retreat became the reality. The writers who posed in cafes talking their work to death without writing two words; the lesbians, virile as men, hating women and their own womanhood with a vengeance. The bars and the coffee-shops and the streets of the Village in the 1950s were full of non-conformists who were deathly afraid of going against their hard-won group, and so eventually they were broken between the group and their individual needs. For some of us there was no one particular place, and we grabbed whatever we could from wherever we found space, comfort, quiet, a smile, non-judgment. Being women together was not enough. We were different. Being gay-girls together was not enough. We were different. Being Black together was not enough. We were different. Being Black women together was not enough. We were different. Being Black dykes together was not enough. We were different.” (225-6)
This section was a particularly significant place in the book, because it showed how isolated one can feel. When people feel unstable and along, they cling to people with whom have had similar struggles. They find comfort in not being or feeling alone. But sometimes, when trying to cling to a group that only defines one aspect of yourself causes others to make assumptions about you. They choose that one identity for you; the one that doesn’t describe the whole you. Becoming a part of a group that only describes one of the many parts of a person can seem comforting at first, but overall detached. This is what Audre was talking about. Because she was a woman, it was not enough. Because she was gay, was not enough. Because she was black, it was not enough. Because she was a gay black woman, it still was not enough. No trait can fully describe someone’s experience and existence. Humans are incredibly diverse and their lives are all incredible inexplicable.
“The need for power and control seemed a much-too-open ade. Their need for power and control seemed a much-too-open piece of myself, dressed in enemy clothing. They were tough in a way I felt I could never be … By white america’s racist distortions of beauty, Black women playing “femme” had very little chance in the Bag. There was constant competition among butches to have the most “gorgeous femme” on their arm. And “gorgeous” was defined by a white male world’s standards.” (224)
I found it interesting that there was still racism and sexism within the gay community that Lorde is describing. She is described feeling a bit powerless compared to them, as the competed to have the most gorgeous and presumably white girlfriend on their arm. I also noticed how Lorde chose to lowercase “white america” while she capitalized “Black’ in the same sentence, I think that shows that she is not giving white america the power that the typically hold while she reclaims her own power.
“Being women together was not enough. We were different. Being gay-girls together was not enough. We were different. Being Black together was not enough. We were different. Being Black women together was not enough. We were different. Being Black dykes together was not enough. We were different.” (226)
"By white america’s racist distortions of beauty, Black women playing “femme” had very little chance in the Bag. There was constant competition among butches to have the most “gorgeous femme” on their arm. And “gorgeous” was defined by a white male world’s standards.” (224)
It bothers me that beauty is still, and always, defined by the standards of the white male world. It goes back to the idea of makers tools being unable to take down the master's house. By continuously conforming to white male's standards and ideas, we cannot break the system. By dividing and conquering, much more could be accomplished. By defining "gorgeous" by white male's standards, it's easy to go against the notion that we can destroy patriarchy on our own terms.
17. Zami: A New Spelling of My Name 4-6-16 “Night after night we had talked until dawn in this room about language and poetry and love and the good conduct of living. Yet we were strangers. As I stood there, looking at Eudora, the impossible became easier, almost simple. Desire gave me courage, where it once made speechless” (166). “We talked sometimes about what it meant to love women, and what a relief it was in the eye of the storm, no matter how often we had to bite our tongues and stay silent” (250).
Sometimes, it is easier to open-up about yourself to strangers. They know nothing about you, so you can invent yourself to the other person. You can be who you choose to reveal to them. I was looking to see who Audre was looking to reveal to Eudora. I find it interesting how she equates loving women and being silent. Lorde is definitely pointing out the silence that women are forced in to by society. I wonder if she believes that is one of the reasons that people – maybe just women? – like to share with strangers, or maybe just have an easier time with it.
"But in high school, my real sisters were stangers; my teachers were racists; and my friends were that color I was never supposed to trust" (Lorde, 81)
"During the fifties in the Village, I didn't know the few other Black women who were visibaly gay at all well. Too often we found ourselves sleeping with the same white women. We recognized ourselves as exotic sister-outsiders who might gain little from banding together. Perhaps our strength might lay in our fewness, our rarity" (Lorde, 177).
One of the main themes in this last section that really struck me was the "sisterhood" Lorde talks about. It's something that she has mentioned before, with the Branded; how they were a sisterhood that saw themselves above racism. It's interesting how Lorde finds sisterhood the same way years later, bonded together by one uniting factor: being "gay-girls". Yet Lorde can't really connect with the members of the "lesbian sisterhood," so to speak, that are of the same race. She describes them as "sister-outsiders." It's true that their intersectionalty as black, a woman, and lesbian puts more pressure on them to be tougher, but what is it they really fear by not banding together? Is it too much political change in a already turbulent social atmosphere? Is it because in the "sisterhood" their race matters less than their gay identity?
"There were There were no mothers, no sisters, no heroes. We had to do it alone, like our sister Amazons, the riders on the loneliest outpost of the kingdom of Dahomey." (176)
"We carry our traditions with us. Buying boxes We carry our traditions with us. Buying boxes of Red Cross Salt and a fresh corn straw broom for my new apartment in Westchester: new job, new house, new living the old in a new way. Recreating in words the women who helped give me substance." (255)
These two passages highlight the transformation from the uneasy-finding-her-way "young and Black and gay and lonely" girl to an inspiring, strong female figure who becomes the change she wants to be in the world by shaping these "heroes" there was a lack of herself, by depicting the women in her life in this very book in her own strong voice and becoming the hero.
"And then, without warning, Rhea burst into tears. She stood over us sobbing wildly as if her heart was being broken by what she saw. She wept over us for at least two minutes while we both lay there... There was nothing else we could do; I felt it would just be too embarrassing to Rhea for me to look up and say, 'Hey, what's going on here?' Besides, I thought I knew. Our obvious happiness in our 'incorrect' love was so great besides her obvious unhappiness in her 'correct' ones, that the only response to such cosmic unfairness was tears" (198).
"Each one of us had been starved for love for so long that we wanted to believe that love, once found, was all-powerful. We wanted to believe that it could give love to my inchoate pain and rages; that it could enable Muriel to face the world and get a job; that it could free our writings, cure racism, end homophobia and adolescent acne. We were like starving women who come to believe that food will cure all present pains, as well as heal all the deficiency sores of long standing" (210).
Gay marriage is finally legal and so many representatives want to take that right away. What the hell. Why is love illegal for certain people, and legal for others? Why are people denied the opportunity for this healing that Audre aspired for so greatly?
“And then suddenly I realize that in this house of my childhood I am no longer welcome. Everything is hostile to me. The doors refuse to open. The glass cracks when I touch it. Even the bureau drawers creak and stick when I try to close them…This is no longer my home; it is only of a past time" (199).
Audre is so removed from her home with her parents that she can no longer connect with anything in the house. She had developed and changed so much that all of the things she goes back too have no meaning. All this time I wondered why she didn't reach out to her family when she left. But maybe it was because she never felt connected to begin with. She is a new different person and Audre is no longer who she was when she lived with her parents. She has finally excepted herself and maybe she realizes that her parents wont except her for who she is.
"Being gay-girls without set roles was the one difference we allowed ourselves to see and to bind us to each other. We were not of that other world, and we wanted to believe that, by definition, we were therefore free of that other world's problems of capitalism, greed, racism, classism, etc. This was not so. But we continued to visit each other and eat together, and, in general, share our lives and resources, as if it were" (205).
ReplyDeleteIn a lot of this last section, Lorde talks often about her experiences as a lesbian woman. I noticed that she often talks about them in terms of a community, that they are all a part of their own world, such as she says in this quote; this is also seen as the lesbians meet up in the gay bars around the city. This then made me think of the LGBT community today, and how they have a sense of their own sphere (or at least it appears that way; I don't know exactly how it feels because I'm straight). Overall, I felt that this identity of Lorde's had a stronger sense of it's own independent world than the other aspects of her, such as her gender or race.
“In the gay bars, I longed for other Black women without the need ever taking shape on my lips. For four hundred years in this country, Black women have been taught to view each other with with deep suspicion. It was no different in the gay world.
ReplyDeleteMost black lesbians were closeted, correctly recognizing the Black community’s lack of interest in our position, as well as the many more immediate threats to our survival as Black people in a racists society. It was hard enough to be Black, to be Black and female, to be Black, female, and gay. To be Black, female, gay, and out of the closet in a white environment… was considered by many Black lesbians to be simply suicidal.” (224)
For Lorde to have been out in this time was extremely courageous on several different levels. As she says, being a black woman in a racist patriarchal society is difficult enough, but to be gay and out of the closet was rare. Even now, depictions of lesbianism in media and in literature are typically white—I can only think of two, maybe three lesbian characters off of the top of my head that are shown on television (and, miraculously, have yet to be killed off). The group’s refusal to see difference, Muriel’s comment of “We’re all niggers,” all bring the glaring differences between Lorde and the others to light. However, she also says, “We were too afraid those differences might in fact be irreconcilable, for we had never been taught any tools for dealing with them. Our individuality was very precious to each one of us, but so was the group, and the other outsiders whom we had found to share some more social aspects of our lonlinesses” (205). recognizes the fact In a society that is unwelcoming and wholly prepared to shun them, and that they’re safer with one another than they are alone.
“What we were trying to build was dangerous, and could have enormous consequences for Muriel and me. But our love was strong enough to be tested, strong enough to provide a base for loving and extended relationships. I always used to say that I believed in sleeping with my friends. Well, here was a chance to put theory into practice. Besides, every time Lynn laughed her slightly hysterical laugh or wrinkled her nose, my knees turned to pudding. I could smell her like wilted fall flowers throughout the house as soon as I opened the door of the apartment from work” (Lorde, 212).
ReplyDeleteThis final assigned section of Zami focuses largely on Audre’s exploration of sexuality and relationships. This passage elaborates on Audre and Muriel’s mutual decision to explore a sexually open relationship, in which both of them have intimate relations with the same woman, Lynn. I think this demonstrates what we were talking about in class, how Lorde is giving a voice to the silences, the uncomfortable topics we often avoid. Sexually open relationships is one of these, especially one like this, in which all three members involved share a roof together. Here, I think these three women are attempting to establish not only a sexual relationship, but a sort of community in which everything can be shared between all three of them. I think they are also looking to push the boundaries of what a relationship can be. Above all else, it is an experiment. Audre is experiencing feelings of attraction towards Lynn while she is in a committed relationship with Muriel, and in juggling these she is working to balance the difference between love and desire. She eventually challenges the notion that love is inherently idealized in nature, that it fixes all problems. Definitions of love and nuances of desire are issues that Lorde deeply explores in this last section of her story, and during these years of her life.
“Being women together was not enough. We were different.
ReplyDeleteBeing gay-girls together was not enough. We were different.
Being Black together was not enough. We were different.
Being Black women together was not enough. We were different.
Being Black dykes together was not enough. We were different.”
(226)
I think that this passage in the book plays a huge part in realizing that this is not the story of a single woman instead she is trying to make a point that all women are different and have different stories to tell. This passage explains that just because people are considered to be in group, whether it be by race, gender, or sexual preference, they are still individuals. No two people are the same and Lorde is trying to make the point that everyone has their own needs and wants and just because they may be in similar groups that doesn’t mean that they are the same person. Although they may be together they still stand alone in their own lives. She says that being together isn’t enough because they are all different from one another and I feel that her message of repeating the same phrase over is that she wants to bring attention to the fact that everyone is an individual and can’t be defined by a group that they may be a part of.
" When two women construct a relationship they enter together, the anticipated satisfactions are mutual if not similar. Sometimes that relationship becomes unsatisfactory, or ceases to fulfill those separate needs. When that happens, unless there is a mutual agreement to simultaneously dissolve the relationship, there must always be one person who decides to make the first move. The woman who moves first is not necessarily the most injured nor the most at fault." (238)
ReplyDeleteThe majority of this last section of the book focuses on not only Audre's exploration of her own sexuality, but on her exploration of relationships with women. Audre's relationship with Muriel seems to have run its course, and by this point, Muriel seems to have started the process of moving out. Much like Felicity also posted about, the fact that Muriel and Audre are together does not mean they are defined solely by their relationships; both Muriel and Audre still lead their own lives and make their own choices, do whatever they find enjoyable. I think this is a great example from Lorde on how the dynamics of a healthy relationship benefit both parties. There were previous instances of not so great relationships that still seemed beneficial, but this mature relationship is showing just how much Lorde has matured, physically, mentally and emotionally, throughout the course of the novel.
"Being women together was not enough. We were different.
ReplyDeleteBeing gay-girls together was not enough. We were different.
Being black together was not enough. We were different. Being Black women together was not enough. We were different. Being Black dykes together was not enough. We were different.
Each of us had our own needs and pursuits, and many different alliances. Self-preservation warned some of us that we could not afford to settle for one easy definition, one narrow individuation of self. At the Bag, at Hunter College, uptown in Harlem, at the library, there was a piece of the real me bound in each place, and growing." (226)
Here, Lorde talks about how groups of people with one similar characteristic are often defined by that one characteristic, which is limiting and constricting. By being categorized as "woman," "black" or "gay," it limits one's ability to be seen outside of that stereotype in society and labels that person as part of a group, rather than as an individual. Lorde is trying to emphasize that all the people in those groups are not simply part of that group; their identities extend far beyond those labels. Yes, those may be characteristics of certain people, and they are certainly important to one's identity, but those people have identities and characteristics that make them individuals, and not just members of a group. Lorde wants her readers to know that she isn't just a black gay woman, but there are many other things that make her who she is.
“Muriel and I loved tenderly and long and well, but there was no one around to suggest that perhaps our intensity was not always to wisely focused. Each one of us had been starved for love so long that we wanted to believe that love, once found, was all-powerful. We wanted to believe that it could give word to my inchoate pain and rages; that it could enable Muriel to face the world and get a job; that it could free our writings, cure racism, end homophobia and adolescent acne. We were like starving women who came to believe that food will cure all present pains, as well as heal all the deficiency sores of long standing” (209 -210). From Lorde’s Zami.
ReplyDeleteThis is just so beautiful. There is definitely a deep love that Lorde feels for Muriel at this point, but their relationship seems to be fading away. And Lorde acknowledges that because she as a lesbian woman, who was “starved” for loved, that she thought her relationship with Muriel would be the answer to everything. I think that it is like Dianna said about how Lorde is trying to challenge the notion "that love is inherently idealized in nature and that it fixes everything". But it doesn’t always fix everything and I think that Lorde is staring realize that as she grows up and as she goes through this relationship with Muriel.
"For four hundred years in this country, Black women have been taught to view each other with deep suspicion. It was no different in the gay world. ...
ReplyDelete[The Black women at the Bag] were tough in a way I felt I could never be. Even if they were not, their self-protective instincts warned them to appear that way. By white america's racist distortion of beaauty, Black women playing 'femme' had very little chance in the Bag. There was constant competition among butches to have the most 'gorgeous femme' on their arm. And 'gorgeous' was defined by a white male world's standards" (Lorde 224).
"The threat of difference has been no less blinding to people of Colour. Those of us who are Black must see that the reality of our
lives and our struggle does not make us immune to the errors of ignorance and misnaming difference. Within Black communities where racism is a living reality, differences among us often seem dangerous and suspect. ... Because of the continuous battle against racial erasure that Black women and Black men share, some Black women still refuse to recognize that we are also oppressed as women, and that sexual hostility against Black women is practiced not only by the white racist society, but implemented within our Black communities as well. ... Exacerbated by racism and the pressures of powerlessness, violence against Black women and children often becomes a standard within our communities, one by which manliness can be measured" ('Sister Outsiders' 119-120).
While throughout her book Lorde finds solace in communities who share a similar identity to herself, she makes it clear in her essay 'Sister Outsiders' that there is still a weird form of competition (and racism?) among her peers. As 'others,' Lorde and her companions attempt to resist their differences from society in an attempt to assimilate easier by mirroring a white heterosexual relationship. However, in replicating what the established societal system wants to see (relationships being/resembling white heterosexual relationships), like Lorde notes, the violence and subjection of women, especially Black women, will continue. Worse yet, the harassment and objectification will be sustained from within the social and racial classes of the victims.
“The important message seemed to be that you had to have a place. Whether or not it did justice to whatever you felt you were about, there had to be some place to refuel and check your flaps.
ReplyDeleteIn times of need and great instability, the place sometimes became more a definition than the substance of why you needed it to begin with. Sometimes the retreat became the reality. The writers who posed in cafes talking their work to death without writing two words; the lesbians, virile as men, hating women and their own womanhood with a vengeance. The bars and the coffee-shops and the streets of the Village in the 1950s were full of non-conformists who were deathly afraid of going against their hard-won group, and so eventually they were broken between the group and their individual needs.
For some of us there was no one particular place, and we grabbed whatever we could from wherever we found space, comfort, quiet, a smile, non-judgment.
Being women together was not enough. We were different. Being gay-girls together was not enough. We were different. Being Black together was not enough. We were different. Being Black women together was not enough. We were different. Being Black dykes together was not enough. We were different.” (225-6)
This section was a particularly significant place in the book, because it showed how isolated one can feel. When people feel unstable and along, they cling to people with whom have had similar struggles. They find comfort in not being or feeling alone. But sometimes, when trying to cling to a group that only defines one aspect of yourself causes others to make assumptions about you. They choose that one identity for you; the one that doesn’t describe the whole you. Becoming a part of a group that only describes one of the many parts of a person can seem comforting at first, but overall detached. This is what Audre was talking about. Because she was a woman, it was not enough. Because she was gay, was not enough. Because she was black, it was not enough. Because she was a gay black woman, it still was not enough. No trait can fully describe someone’s experience and existence. Humans are incredibly diverse and their lives are all incredible inexplicable.
“The need for power and control seemed a much-too-open ade. Their need for power and control seemed a much-too-open piece of myself, dressed in enemy clothing. They were tough in a way I felt I could never be … By white america’s racist distortions of beauty, Black women playing “femme” had very little chance in the Bag. There was constant competition among butches to have the most “gorgeous femme” on their arm. And “gorgeous” was defined by a white male world’s standards.” (224)
ReplyDeleteI found it interesting that there was still racism and sexism within the gay community that Lorde is describing. She is described feeling a bit powerless compared to them, as the competed to have the most gorgeous and presumably white girlfriend on their arm. I also noticed how Lorde chose to lowercase “white america” while she capitalized “Black’ in the same sentence, I think that shows that she is not giving white america the power that the typically hold while she reclaims her own power.
“Being women together was not enough. We were different.
ReplyDeleteBeing gay-girls together was not enough. We were different.
Being Black together was not enough. We were different.
Being Black women together was not enough. We were different.
Being Black dykes together was not enough. We were different.”
(226)
"By white america’s racist distortions of beauty, Black women playing “femme” had very little chance in the Bag. There was constant competition among butches to have the most “gorgeous femme” on their arm. And “gorgeous” was defined by a white male world’s standards.” (224)
It bothers me that beauty is still, and always, defined by the standards of the white male world. It goes back to the idea of makers tools being unable to take down the master's house. By continuously conforming to white male's standards and ideas, we cannot break the system. By dividing and conquering, much more could be accomplished. By defining "gorgeous" by white male's standards, it's easy to go against the notion that we can destroy patriarchy on our own terms.
17. Zami: A New Spelling of My Name 4-6-16
ReplyDelete“Night after night we had talked until dawn in this room about language and poetry and love and the good conduct of living. Yet we were strangers. As I stood there, looking at Eudora, the impossible became easier, almost simple. Desire gave me courage, where it once made speechless” (166).
“We talked sometimes about what it meant to love women, and what a relief it was in the eye of the storm, no matter how often we had to bite our tongues and stay silent” (250).
Sometimes, it is easier to open-up about yourself to strangers. They know nothing about you, so you can invent yourself to the other person. You can be who you choose to reveal to them. I was looking to see who Audre was looking to reveal to Eudora.
I find it interesting how she equates loving women and being silent. Lorde is definitely pointing out the silence that women are forced in to by society. I wonder if she believes that is one of the reasons that people – maybe just women? – like to share with strangers, or maybe just have an easier time with it.
"But in high school, my real sisters were stangers; my teachers were racists; and my friends were that color I was never supposed to trust" (Lorde, 81)
ReplyDelete"During the fifties in the Village, I didn't know the few other Black women who were visibaly gay at all well. Too often we found ourselves sleeping with the same white women. We recognized ourselves as exotic sister-outsiders who might gain little from banding together. Perhaps our strength might lay in our fewness, our rarity" (Lorde, 177).
One of the main themes in this last section that really struck me was the "sisterhood" Lorde talks about. It's something that she has mentioned before, with the Branded; how they were a sisterhood that saw themselves above racism. It's interesting how Lorde finds sisterhood the same way years later, bonded together by one uniting factor: being "gay-girls". Yet Lorde can't really connect with the members of the "lesbian sisterhood," so to speak, that are of the same race. She describes them as "sister-outsiders." It's true that their intersectionalty as black, a woman, and lesbian puts more pressure on them to be tougher, but what is it they really fear by not banding together? Is it too much political change in a already turbulent social atmosphere? Is it because in the "sisterhood" their race matters less than their gay identity?
"There were There were no mothers, no sisters, no heroes. We had to do it alone, like our sister Amazons, the riders on the loneliest outpost of the kingdom of Dahomey." (176)
ReplyDelete"We carry our traditions with us. Buying boxes We carry our traditions with us. Buying boxes of Red Cross
Salt and a fresh corn straw broom for my new apartment in
Westchester: new job, new house, new living the old in a new
way. Recreating in words the women who helped give me substance." (255)
These two passages highlight the transformation from the uneasy-finding-her-way "young and Black and gay and lonely" girl to an inspiring, strong female figure who becomes the change she wants to be in the world by shaping these "heroes" there was a lack of herself, by depicting the women in her life in this very book in her own strong voice and becoming the hero.
Zami
ReplyDelete"And then, without warning, Rhea burst into tears. She stood over us sobbing wildly as if her heart was being broken by what she saw. She wept over us for at least two minutes while we both lay there... There was nothing else we could do; I felt it would just be too embarrassing to Rhea for me to look up and say, 'Hey, what's going on here?' Besides, I thought I knew. Our obvious happiness in our 'incorrect' love was so great besides her obvious unhappiness in her 'correct' ones, that the only response to such cosmic unfairness was tears" (198).
"Each one of us had been starved for love for so long that we wanted to believe that love, once found, was all-powerful. We wanted to believe that it could give love to my inchoate pain and rages; that it could enable Muriel to face the world and get a job; that it could free our writings, cure racism, end homophobia and adolescent acne. We were like starving women who come to believe that food will cure all present pains, as well as heal all the deficiency sores of long standing" (210).
Gay marriage is finally legal and so many representatives want to take that right away. What the hell. Why is love illegal for certain people, and legal for others? Why are people denied the opportunity for this healing that Audre aspired for so greatly?
“And then suddenly I realize that in this house of my childhood I am no longer welcome. Everything is hostile to me. The doors refuse to open. The glass cracks when I touch it. Even the bureau drawers creak and stick when I try to close them…This is no longer my home; it is only of a past time" (199).
ReplyDeleteAudre is so removed from her home with her parents that she can no longer connect with anything in the house. She had developed and changed so much that all of the things she goes back too have no meaning. All this time I wondered why she didn't reach out to her family when she left. But maybe it was because she never felt connected to begin with. She is a new different person and Audre is no longer who she was when she lived with her parents. She has finally excepted herself and maybe she realizes that her parents wont except her for who she is.